I have class all weekend, and so I’ve been trying to wrap up all my homework.

The assignments were:

  • 2 collages of "my new reality" - one the first week after the last weekend, and one this week
  • 4 collages of my "noise" - the stuff that comes up when I get confronted about things, my persistent complaints, the ways of being that I fall back on when the going gets rough
  • daily journaling
  • daily totally anonymous good deeds

I also had some updating to do to a previous homework assignment about the people I communicate with on an at-least-weekly basis.

I got all of my collages done, and I’m pretty happy with them. I’ve also printed out this blog and the daily "here’s what I’m creating today" emails I send to my friend Jon, which I’m counting as the daily journal.

I haven’t actually updated the last assignment, but I have everything I need for that in place and a homework party where I’ll do it is happening tomorrow night.

But I have just sucked on the totally anonymous good deeds.

I think there are two things going on there.

First, I’ve had trouble with no-cost ideas. I got a few good suggestions from you guys, but most of them involved outdoor activities, and average temps here have been in the 90s. And I have just not been willing to spend money on this homework. I got in occasional successes, but I would guess I’ve probably done the assignment at most 10 times in the last 6 weeks.

But the other thing is that I just don’t like being anonymous. I like to help people in a way where I get to see in their faces that I’m making a difference.

It isn’t about being thanked, I don’t think. (Not that I don’t enjoy being appreciated or acknowledged, I just don’t think that’s the main thing stopping me from doing the homework assignment.) But I want to *see* that my efforts are working. Just putting good out into the world on faith that it will work, and then walking away…it seems really unsatisfying.

But, I am going to give it two more tries, tomorrow and Friday. I may not have done the homework completely, but I’m not giving up.