Happy New Year, Friends!
2005 was a year of unbelievable change, some expected/hoped for and some completely unexpected.
Expected or Hoped-For Changes in 2005:
- I got pregnant
- My book was published
- Jill thrives in her new job
- Jill’s acting goes to the next level
- Our retirement savings hit a major milestone
Unexpected Changes in 2005:
- I changed jobs
- We moved to Atlanta
- We became single-family homeowners
- Jill’s job added new benefits and improved entry-level compensation
For me, the biggest unexpected change in 2005 doesn’t really resolve itself into a bullet point.
Before getting pregnant, I was always a "life of the mind" and "big picture" person. My first inclination in any situation was to try to analytically determine the "right" answer, and the framework of that analysis usually started off with the politics of the situation.
My relationship with my body was at best…tolerant? I viewed my body as something separate from who I am, and my "self" as my mind. Basically, I saw my body as something I "should" take care of so that it would do what "I" wanted it to do, particularly as I got older. I didn’t necessarily DO that, but I thought I should.
Being pregnant pulled me into my body in a whole new way.
I’ve talked a little bit about how this course I’ve been in this year distinguishes the "structural" conversation or relationship between objects, including our bodies. I’m glad I had an intellectual framework to think about my new structural conversation, because I have never before been so concious of my body, how it works, how I relate to the space and objects around me, and more than anything else, what’s going on inside of me.
I’ve read everything I could find on being pregnant, fetal development, etc. I’m completely facinated by my body and the fact that I’m growing another person inside of myself. And as I reach 8 months pregnancy, I’m more and more interested in how he’ll continue to grow and develop separately from me, and how my body will change again once I’ve given birth.
The other things that I’m really interested in right now are also focused on home and family. I wonder how Jill and I are going to do on no sleep and the challenge of a tiny little person who depends on us completely. I’m thinking about our home as a nurturing environment for a baby. I’m contemplating what people might mean when they say "having a baby changes everything, in ways you can’t even imagine." And of course, I’m trying to imagine it.
For the last two years, Jill and I have made a New Years Declaration about what the next year will be about.
We declared that 2004 would be the year of unprecedented results. It was! She had her professional theater debut (with a fabulous DC theater) and started a job that she loves and which supports her theater work and schedule. I started one new job, that led to my being offered a second new job, which I began in January 2005, and I finished writing my book.
We declared that 2005 would be all about the boolings (our family word for children). Not only did I get pregnant this year, but my job is about children’s online safety, and the class I was in taught me a ton about the stages of human development and helped me understand a lot of my own "stuff" in that context.
So…what about 2006?
I’ve been thinking about the possibility I wanted to declare for 2006 since late November. And in some ways, I’ve been beating myself up about it. I have this idea that it "should" be a big-picture, community-impact, large-scale possibility. People see me as a leader, so I should go out into the world and be a Leader.
But the truth is, I’m just not interested in that right now.
Right now, I want to focus almost all of my energy on this little person kicking around inside me. (I’m literally navel-gazing.) I want to make sure he’s getting the nutrients he needs, that our house will be safe for him when he arrives, that Jill and I are as ready for him as we can be. And the other thing I want to focus on that we are healthy and ready for Jill to concieve him a little brother or sister, hopefully to be born in 2007.
We’re declaring 2006 to be the year of expanded growth and development.
That includes both of us and Lil Smudge, and maybe it will also include a bigger picture impact, or maybe it won’t. Either way is ok.
Right now, I expect that Lil Smudge’s growth and development next year will be pretty obvious, as will ours as moms. But both of us also expect and want more development opportunities related to our careers, and we are committed to growing and developing our circle of friends here in Atlanta. We have a wonderful foundation together, and it’s time to build out from there, both in growing our family and in growing those outside relationships.
I imagine that will primarily include other parents in the neighborhood and at the montessori school where Lil Smudge will go for day care a few months after he’s born. We’re also exploring churches, and I’m hopeful and optimistic that we’ll continue developing the friendships that began in theater and class this year.
Personally, I also want to develop balance in 2006, between my inclination towards the life of the mind, the intense awareness of and interest in my physical self that developed in 2005, and beginning to nurture my spiritual side as well. I have no idea, right now, what that’s going to look like. (Well, the physical side has some obvious components: having the baby, breastfeeding and otherwise caring for a newborn, for example.)
What about you? What does 2006 hold for you and your family?
Fruit & Veg Count, 1/1: 1.5 cups black eyed peas with some carrots mixed in, 1 organic gala apple, 1 banana
Fruit & Veg Count, 12/31: 1 organic gala apple, nothing else I remember
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