I have not had too many strange food cravings since I’ve been pregnant.

There was the broccoli & chocolate chip pancake incident, that first led us to suspect that we had not failed to conceive again, but that was in May. And it’s the only one that we can think of before tonight. I’ve been the opposite, unable to eat things, or whole servings of things.

After a nice dinner of mild Thai chicken, mixed veggies, and the last of the French bread all toasted and yummy out of the broiler, I couldn’t figure out whether or not I was still hungry. I could only eat 3 bites of the chicken, but then again, my stomach has been squished into approximately the size of a hacky-sack.

Ten minutes later, I had a burning desire for red jello. I was open to it being cherry, raspberry, or even strawberry. And it had to be the powder kind you mix yourself, with actual sugar, not sugar substitute of any kind.

We don’t normally eat like that. We had no jello, red or otherwise, in the house.

Lucky Jill.

Really, lucky me, because Jill put on socks and shoes and went to the grocery store, returning with all three kinds of jello. And she hates grocery shopping more than almost any other chore.

When she got back, I put a 2 cup pyrex measuring cup into the microwave, maybe 3/4 full, and then began mixing some raspberry jello. When all the sugar was dissolved, I added a few ice cubes.

When the mixture was ice-free and a nice warm tea-like temperature, I started to drink it, straight from the pyrex measuring cup.

Jill picked that moment to look over from the pan she was washing (I am lucky!), and when she caught my eye, she had a look of stunned disbelief on her face.

And suddenly, I saw myself from her perspective:

There’s my hugely pregnant wife, standing in the kitchen, wearing snowman pajamas, sucking down a vat of unfinished jello.

We both cracked up. In seconds, I couldn’t even stand any more, I was laughing so hard. We’re lucky I didn’t spill the jello all over the floor. Every question or comment she made got me laughing harder and harder.

I had to admit that I’d never had any intention of letting the jello set — when I first realized I wanted it, I knew that I wanted it warm and runny, with the gelatin just starting to thicken. That’s why I’d told her she had to get the kind in a box, not the pre-set kind in little plastic serving containers.

Finally, I was begging her to stop making me laugh. Laughing that hard hurts. My stomach muscles can’t take it!

She tried. She really tried. She began to tell me some horrible story about a police record she had to go find today.

And I picked up my pyrex measuring cup and began to drink my jello again. No sooner was my mouth full than I started to laugh again.

This time, jello shot out my nose.

I’m happy to report that warm liquid jello comes out your nose much less painfully than milk or soda. And I had a napkin handy.

First, Jill suggested that I make sure the blogosphere knows that convenient fact. And then she added, "You’re adding a whole new meaning to the term ‘jello shooter,’ honey."

We both cracked up for another full minute, at least. And then she apologized for making me laugh again, but pointed out that the line was just irresistible.

Eventually, I finished the entire warm, thickening batch of liquid jello.

Smudge kicked up a storm with all that sugar, and my heartburn is exacting a moderate amount of revenge. But I am a happy camper.

And I might go make some more jello.

Fruit & Veg Count, 1/4: 1 organic gala apple, 1 potato
Fruit & Veg Count, 1/5: 1 organic gala apple, 1/2 cup applesauce, 2/3 cup sweet potato puree, 2/3 cup mixed veggies (corn, green beans, carrots, broccoli), 2 cups artificial raspberry flavored jello — just kidding