Since somewhere around my 3rd trimester, I’ve been thinking “I want to join a church.”
This was sort of a weird desire for me, and not one I was entirely comfortable with having. I’ve always been one of your more agnostic intellectual types, and I was raised as an occasional attendee at a very unusual church.
After Noah was born, specifically 6 or 8 weeks after Noah was born, this desire kicked into higher gear. I wanted him to be baptized, I want him to know how to behave and be comfortable in church, I want a nice church community around him.
As it happened, one of the first non-work people I met here is the minister at the church my neighbors attend. We both had Virginia tags on our cars, and one day while he was visiting them to watch basketball, we ran across the street to meet each other. I hadn’t even met the neighbors yet, but they too had moved here from the DC ‘burbs.
As we chatted, Gary made a point of inviting me and Jill to visit, assuring me that we would both be welcome. So when I first decided to take action on this churchy impulse, naturally, I mentioned it to the neighbors and attended their church.
Except for the doctrinal stuff, it seems like a really good fit. I’ll get back to the doctrinal stuff in a moment.
Why it’s a good fit:
- Four of the five times I’ve visited, there has been an explicit mention of social justice and equality based on sexual orientation;
- Lots of young families with kids 10 and under, including a couple of other lesbian families;
- Another lesbian couple, older than us, in our “inquirers class” this weekend;
- Lots of social justice activism, including a winter homeless shelter in the church gym, a weekly foot clinic for homeless people, church based advocacy on children’s and poverty issues;
- A long history of support for civil rights;
- Lots of women in leadership roles;
- A very intellectual community, full of classes, service projects, & earnest seminary and theology students;
- NAEYC-accredited day care center; and
- A handful of people we already knew and liked.
Of course, it isn’t perfect. The denomination as a whole is much less progressive than this particular church, particularly on LGBT issues. And this church is pretty white, like ~98%. Maybe 99%.
And the doctrinal stuff…well, it’s pretty standard evangelical Christianity, heavy on the Jesus. I know, what else can you expect from Church?
But it is the part I have the most difficulty believing. I fully believe this is a good community that would benefit my family, and would benefit from having us as members.
And some days, I’m even comfortable with the idea of a higher power/God, something bigger than us, connecting everything in the world.
It’s when we get down into the Jesus, son of God, foot-washing carpenter guy, who takes away the sins of the world, that I start having a harder time.
It gets even harder when you get into the Calvinist tradition, with predestination and God’s chosen elect, all that. I like my will free, and my people created equal, actually. Fortunately, I haven’t heard much about that Calvinist stuff at this church, and everything I have heard seems pretty democratic, so that may be ok.
Right now, I’m planning to officially join the church next weekend.
The hard part is figuring out how to honestly answer the questions you have to answer, and answer them so that I get to join. Is it ok with me to call that belief in a higher power “Jesus?” Would it be ok with them for my belief to be that tenuous?
I know that doctrinally, a Unitarian Universalist church would be a better fit. And I even visited one that was also full of kids and educational programs and notices that it welcomed LGBT people.
But I really like this community, and I feel like they would help me find a good outlet for the social justice and educational things I’d like to be doing, but am not right now. It feels like more of a fit than the UU church did.
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