Noah and I have thrush. If you hear that word and think of a songbird, protect your innocence and do not read past the page break.

The good news about the other kind is that is not serious at Noah’s age (or mine).

The bad news is that thrush is painful and takes a long freakin time to clear up. At least 2 weeks, although we should see progress in 4-7 days. But it might seem like it’s getting worse before it starts to heal. And it’s going to be expensive. La Leche League recommends replacing bottle nipples (and presumably also sippy cup lids) a week after treatment begins.

That’ll teach me to ignore or try to self-treat any breastfeeding problems.

See, I just thought I was a little extra-tender from when Noah got sick in Milwaukee and could only keep down breastmilk. And only that sometimes.

I also failed to connect the sudden appearance of Noah’s first horrible diaper rash to the increasingly painful nursing.

And I conveniently forgot about how back in my youth, every antibiotics prescription was followed shortly with a yeast infection.

Instead, I thought that Noah had suddenly developed latch problems. He’s teething, I thought. And moving around too much while he’s nursing.

Today I got completely fed up when pumping hurt like hell and I saw blood. So called my LLL leader. “I think Noah’s developed a latch problem.” “I don’t. That would be very unusual at his age. It sounds like thrush to me, and you need to go see your doctor to get help treating it.”

Cue moment #37 where Liza wishes that she and Noah were seeing a family doctor instead of different doctors.

First available appt is with my favorite midwife, if I can be to the office in half an hour. Yes, I can! We chat for a few minutes, her hoping to convince me that it’s mastisis, but we both know that it isn’t.

As soon as she looks at me, she knows it’s thrush. In fact, she’s a little wigged out by how bad it is, although she puts a brave face on pretty quickly and tries to act like it isn’t that bad. But she’s a midwife, not an actor.

Technically, Noah hasn’t been diagnosed yet, but there is general agreement on all the nursing websites that if treatment for thrush is to be effective, both mother and baby have to be treated. For at least 2 weeks.

So, no, Noah isn’t teething. He is in pain, and is in his mouth, and we are going to start eating yogurt every day, and mommy is going to try to cut waaaaaaay back on sugar and yeast for a little while (ugh!). (Now I remember Dr. Madelaine telling us to feed him yogurt! *whacks self upside the head*)

We also have to wash EVERYTHING he puts in his mouth, every day, and boil the things he really goes to town on for 20 minutes every day. Specifically, LLL recommends:

Anything that comes in contact with the mother’s breasts, the baby’s bottom or other affected areas on the baby, mother and other family members should be washed or disinfected daily. This includes breast shells, breast pads, bras, drip- catching cloths, pump parts, teats (nipples), pacifiers (soothers, dummies), teethers, toothbrushes, toys, clothing, underwear and diapers. Yeast can live on towels and washcloths so they should be used once and then washed in very hot water and dried in the sun if possible. Some families have found that during a yeast outbreak using paper rather than cloth napkins, towels and breast pads is helpful as well as using disposable utensils and cups.

Elsewhere in the article “very hot water” is defined as 122 degrees fahrenheit.

Excuse me, I have to go have some yogurt and put hideous goo on my breasts.