LizaWasHere

I just finished reading Alternadad by Neal Pollack, and I loved it. It’s my second favorite book about being a parent, after Operating Instructions, by Anne Lamott.

I also have to give credit for my having read this to Shelfari. It caught my eye on Lizzie’s shelf, which contained numerous books I’ve read and loved, so while I was stuck in La Jolla, I found and bought it.

I probably wouldn’t have picked it up if it weren’t for Lizzie’s recommendation. It’s a dad book, for one thing, and the cover features a rubber ducky with a stainless steel bill ring. In my mind, I am just not as hip and cool as that kind of parent — and let’s be honest, my favorite “music” is NPR. Aside from that, I 90% don’t care about what I’m listening to, although I sometimes pretend otherwise.

But it seems that being “alternative” is more complicated than just partying and being ironic and listening to bands in smokey bars. If Pollack and his family are examples, it also includes being politically active in your community, trying to be an informed consumer and to struggle with the compromises that requires, and smoking a lot of marijuana.

I’m not a pot smoker any more than I’m a watch bands in smokey bars person, but I am progressive, moderately active, and I struggle with making consumer choices that are right for my family and what we believe. I’m also good with being ironic. Oh yeah, and I think I automatically get a heaping pile of alternative cred points for being a 2 mom family. Even if I do look like Jenny of Suburbia.

Here’s what I loved about Alternadad.

Pollack wrote about his family, from meeting his wife, through their decision to move to LA when their son was about 2 years old. I cracked up reading at various moments, including:

Few couples have ever gone into childbirth as educated as Regina and I. We new every possible permutation and were prepared for all of the curves. This just might be the easiest birth in the history of humankind.

I don’t want to ruin anything for you, but if you think an ironic outcome is on it’s way, you are absolutely correct. But don’t worry, everyone is ok in the end.
Another favorite example:

I realized that marriage would mean some concessions. But I didn’t realize I was marrying an adult female Pigpen, a woman who seemed to have a genetic penchant towards sloppy surroundings.

…

I began to realize that Regina employed an odd household logic. It had only a little bit to do with her not wanting to do chores, because I was more than willing to split the work with her. Slowly, it occurred to me that, for psychological reasons, she really didn’t want things to be clean, that she preferred for things to skirt the near edge of vile before she went on a massive bleach rampage.

Like Operating Instructions, Pollack wrote about the good, the bad, and the ugly. He didn’t whitewash to make himself look good, or his son, or his parents. I don’t think he whitewashed to make his wife look better, but she comes across as the person I’d most want to hang out with in the book, so maybe I’m wrong there. (I wrote that last sentence before deciding to include those quotations, so now I’m thinking he didn’t whitewash her either. Nope.)

In every major decision, every struggle, every argument, you can understand and relate to the difficulty and the final choices. They’re human choices, full of human love and human pain.When people write about their experiences in a way that is true and touches on the universality of being a parent, being married, or trying to pursue their professional & artistic dreams, it doesn’t matter if they are Jenny of Suburbia, the poster boy for hipster fatherhood, or a depressed recovering alcoholic single mother. Almost anyone can still hear himself or herself in their stories.

Pollack is that kind of writer. And if you are a liberal or progressive parent, trying to figure out how to entertain and teach your child without sacrificing your values or giving everything over to the easiest answer, I think you’ll love this book.

Also? Pollack writes a bunch of blogs, so you can decide for yourself whether or not you like his writing style before you buy the hardcover book.

(Aside to Parents.com: You have some great bloggers! But would you mind making it easier to find them and making your links shorter and easier to follow? This is a terrible URL: http://community.parents.com/dgroups/persona.jsp?plckPersonaPage=PersonaBlog&
plckUserId=a628e41865b5c3c340ae2e98f70ccc4f&userId=a628e41865b5c3c340ae2e98f70ccc4f&
ordersrc=rdparents0072& , why not make them something like http://blogs.parents.com/alternadad or www.parents.com/blogs/twomothers, which I could remember instead of needing to bookmark or google every time. Even if you do have to query a database for each entry, you could return it to that kind of top level URL structure.)