I’ve been thinking a lot about rituals lately, especially as they relate to babies and welcoming them into the family and community.

I’ve always felt that rituals were important. That’s a big part of why Jill and I had a big(ish) wedding that was very traditional in most ways.

When Noah was born, we knew that we wanted to have him baptized. That was something that drove our decision to find and join a church.

But in the chaos of new motherhood, it slipped from “important ritual of welcoming and acknowledgment” to “when can we check this off of our to-do list?” We didn’t even think to invite our families, and we were honestly stunned when their feelings were hurt.

It really wasn’t until the actual experience of the service and the baptism that we got in the moment and realized what we were doing.

Our church doesn’t do individual Godparents at baptism. The entire congregation agrees to take responsibility for each child baptized into the community. The other children play a special role, promising to help the new child when he or she falls, to play with them, and to be their brothers and sisters in the church family. And at the end of the baptism ritual, the minister walks the baby through the congregation, so that everyone has a chance to “meet” or at least see the newest member of the community.

Seeing and experiencing that as a visitor to the church was one of the things that drew us to joining. (Although that was below the church’s very public commitment to gay and lesbian civil rights, the fact that we knew a couple of current members, and that there were a lot of other young families and children around Noah’s age.)

Of course in our family, there will be another big welcoming day, a vitally important legal ritual: When Jill’s parenthood of the new baby is legally recognized through adoption.

Last time, our plans were thwarted and made insane. Where we originally imagined a beautiful ritual to be celebrated with family and friends, instead we found ourselves forced to move to a new county, to incur thousands of dollars of unexpected costs, and to deal with a much more delayed process than we expected.

While dealing with that, the last thing we wanted to do was plan a celebration — again, until it was actually happening. The reality of the moment was beautiful, and we wished we had our family and friends there to celebrate it with us.

Obviously, there are a lot of lessons learned from our experience with Noah — we want to make sure we don’t forget the celebratory welcoming aspect of these rituals as we go through them with little Blur.

I’m just not sure how to keep all those chaotic and exhausting feelings sufficiently at bay to remember. Any suggestions? (Bear in mind that you can’t file a petition for adoption until after the baby is here, so we can’t schedule any of that part in advance.)

Also, am I insane for fantasizing about doing both in rapid succession, ie, seeing if we can get the adoption hearing scheduled for a Monday or Friday and then scheduling the baptism for that Sunday? (Obviously we would only do that if we got assigned to a good judge in our current county of residence, not if we have to move again.)