“Are you feeling lucky, punk? Well, are you?”

The answer is no.

I was planning to participate in Kirsten’s Blog the Recession project, and to whine again about being 8 months pregnant in my final weeks of work before my layoff is effective.

Tonight at dinner, it got worse.

Jill went out to the garage while we were getting ready for dinner, to see if there was any seltzer in the fridge out there. The one whose freezer I’ve been filling with food that’s easy to re-heat or prepare one-armed during those first few insane weeks with a newborn.

The fridge items had mostly been moved into our main fridge when we lost power on Saturday. But the freezer was too full for that, so I just crammed in some extra bags of ice.

Pointlessly, as it turns out. Something bad happened during that power failure, and that fridge is now purely decorative.

From the freezer, I salvaged 3 unopened bags of coffee, 2 bags of bagels, one bag of english muffins, and one plastic container of whole wheat flour.

All the meat, all the frozen dinners, all the ice cream, all the frozen vegetables, all the vegetarian sausage: gone. Ninety percent of it had been purchased on sale over the last few months, in anticipation of the being eaten in September/October.

No. I am not feeling lucky.

I am feeling sad and pissed and frustrated and like I did something wrong by stockpiling in anticipation of the baby.

Really, on that last one. Why? Because almost the same thing happened 2 weeks before Noah was born.

What are we going to eat, and where am I going to put it??????

EDITED TO ADD:

The fridge incident seems to have broken through whatever emotional “lalalalala I can’t hear you” denial thing I had going on about the layoff and move.

I spent an hour or so sitting in the dark feeling incompetent, stupid, lazy, and burdensome, and then came downstairs and had a good cry with Jill. She reminded me that we’re a team, and everyone on the team will have rough times, but I’m not alone, I’m not incompetent and all those other things. And for whatever reason, Atlanta is where we were supposed to be to become parents, and now we’re supposed to move on to the next adventure.

I’m not feeling very adventurous at the moment. But at least I can sort of imagine feeling that way again.