LizaWasHere

Noah has big plans for Easter.

On Saturday night, he will be spending his first night away from both mommies. When he wakes up, he’ll be hunting for eggs with Grandma and Grandpa! This Mommy, That Mommy, and Josie will come over a little bit later in the morning to join everyone.

So far, he seems excited about it. Grandma bought a book called Froggy Sleeps Over, and we’re talking up the adventure. I think it will be ok.

Part of this is, of course, just your regular kid getting bigger stuff. But we are also working our way up to a longer Noah-less adventure this summer. Jill is going to come with me to BlogHer, and I think we’re going to stay in Chicago for 3 nights!

I think Josie will be joining us there — although she’ll be getting close to 11 months, she will probably not be weaned, and I don’t think we can, or want to, saddle Grandma with both grandchildren for an extended period of time. Not until they’re older, anyway.

Any recommendations, more experienced parents?

Dear Bank of America,

I know that you are in the midst of a banking crisis unlike any other our nation has faced. You are busy. However, I think you should make it a top priority to tell your chat agents and your telephone customer service people NOT TO LIE. A good second priority would be to train everyone who works for you in basic arithmetic — you know, elementary school type fundamental math.

My first major problem with you was last fall, when we sold our house in Georgia. I deposited a check in my savings account for all the money we didn’t lose on selling our house. Two days later, you uncredited that check from my account. Your online chat agent told me that she fixed it and in 3-5 business days, it would be back in my account.

Imagine my shock and horror when 2 days later, my endorsed check arrived via regular mail! Thank god we had a rent-back arrangement after closing on the house, or who knows how long it would have taken to get to us. I wasn’t even looking for it since the BOA online chat agent LIED and told me it was going to be credited to my account.

Fast forward to March 27. All of the outstanding bank stuff associated with BOA is done done done, so we want to wire the funds to our new accounts, and close the BOA ones.

Three calls and 45 minutes of hold time — the 1st 2 ending in automated systems hnaging up on me, I finally reached a semi-helpful person. My bank account is too big to close by phone, but they can close my checking account.

Ugh. But yes, please.

She says they will send me a check. ANOTHER LIE.

Jill and I discuss the matter and agree — writing a letter to close the savings account seems dicey. I should drive to the Chicago ‘burbs and close it in person.

Monday, I pack up the kids to preschool and day care, gas up the car, and drive the 50 miles to the nearest Bank of America location — in Illinois. The task takes 3 hours, total, of my 18 hours with fully covered child care per week. That’s 3 hours when I can’t write, search for a job, schedule networking events, or otherwise do anything that I’m supposed to be doing with my child-free time.

When I arrived at the Grayslake Bank of America, I explained to the nice man that I needed to close my savings account. He pulled up my customer information and asked if I wanted to close the checking account, too.

It was closed by phone on Friday, I explained.

No.

The woman on the Bank of America customer service phone number apparently LIED to me. The account was still open.

In that case, yes, please close all of my accounts.

Would you like that money in cash?

ARE YOU INSANE? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

(Remember, we are talking about the remaining funds from the sale of our house, plus all the rest of our savings and a modest amount in the checking account. Not an amount most people would ever be comfortable carrying in cash. Especially me. My comfort level for carrying cash tops off around $125.)

In that case, ma’am, would you like me to get you a single cashier’s check for both accounts?

That would be great, thank you.

Twenty minutes of paperwork later, I have a single cashier’s check in my wallet and am driving back to my new credit union, happy to be done with Bank of America and their lying McLiar lie telling staff.

Imagine my surprise when on Saturday, I got a notice from Bank of America saying that my checking account was overdrawn.

I called, and the first customer service representative explained that it was overdrawn on Monday, March 30, for the amount of $200.50.

What???

I explained what I had done, and she explained that apparently they had removed $200.50 more from my checking account than was actually there.

What???

It was probably a typo, she explained. But I owed them $200.50.

No, they were not f@(#&$^ing kidding. When I closed the account, they gave me too much money, and I need to give the difference back.

Fine. I’m not asking to be unjustly enriched by Bank of America’s incompetence. But I also decline to PAY for their incompetence. Not even the value of a stamp.

Well, customer service rep #1 cannot take $200.50 by phone, nor can she credit me the cost of a stamp, nor can she send me a postage paid envelope. Maybe someone else can.

Customer service rep #2 says the same thing, but more stubbornly and unhelpfully. Like she really can’t imagine that I won’t pay the cost of a stamp to fix Bank of America’s mistake. I know the cost is de minimus, but by now it’s a matter of principle.

Fortunately, she is willing to transfer me to customer service rep #3, who initially refuses to help at all because I don’t know my Georgia former driver’s license number. We finally work through some way to let her talk to me, and she offers a please-god-let-it-work possible solution.

She will credit my account $0.50, and I will mail a check for $200 to Bank of America in Georgia, where I opened the account. That, she claims, will actually close the account.

Anyone wanna bet?