I had my first direct conversation about romantic relationships with Noah today. He’ll be 6 next week.
I really did not expect this. At least not yet.
The thing is, a very lovely girl in his class, we’ll call her NamelessGirl, has had a rather obvious crush on him for a couple of months. And he seems to have some of those kinds of feelings back, although he is a lot less willing to admit to them.
Three or 4 weeks ago, NamelessGirl totally mortified Noah, by playing “texting” (tapping on your hand with one finger and saying something about the person) and telling Noah that she thought he was handsome. He told Jill someone had told him the most terrible, awful, horrible thing anyone had ever said to him. With her heart in her stomach, she inquired, and he reluctantly admitted this story.
He also admitted to “texting” her that she was pretty. She was apparently not offended by this.
On Tuesday, he came home with a note in his coat pocket. From NamelessGirl. It is a crumpled, green, construction paper snowflake, apparently originally folded into a card. On the front, in pencil, it says, “Noah I love you” The inside is decorated with crayon snowflakes.
Tonight at bedtime, Josie announced that she was not going to marry Henderson, she was never going to get married. Then she asked Noah if he was going to marry a girl when he grew up. Hot with defensiveness, he fired back, “I DON’T KNOW!” and hid under the blankets. He emerged as I commented that most of the time, boys marry girls, but they don’t have to, and some boys marry other boys, and some girls marry other girls. “Like you and This Mommy!” I told them both they couldn’t get married until they were grown-ups, and they didn’t ever have to decide to marry anyone, then I changed the subject.
A few minutes later, after tucking Josie in, I lay down next to Noah. The look in my eye made him hide under the covers, peeking out with one fascinated eye.
“You know, it is ok to have funny, liking-feelings for a special person, either a boy or a girl, and most people do get those feelings sometimes.”
Hide.
“And it’s ok not to have them.”
Peek.
“You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, but if you ever do want to, I promise I won’t laugh or tease you about them.”
Hide.
“There’s just one thing I think it is really important for you to know. Even if you don’t have those feelings about someone, if you know they have them about you, you have to be nice to them.”
Peek.
“We know that NamelessGirl has those kinds of feelings about you, right?”
Nod.
“Well, it is ok if you don’t have those feelings for her, or if you do. And it is ok for you to tell me, or not. But you have to be nice to her, ok?”
Hide.
“Ok.”
Long pause, in which I consider the lumpy pile of blankets, hiding my son.
“Can I ask you if you have those kinds of feelings for NamelessGirl?”
He half-shouts, “NO!!!” from under the blankets.
“Ok, sweetie. Goodnight. I love you.”
Noah’s head emerges from the blankets. “I love you, too, Mom.”



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