Talking with my 5 year old about relationships

2 Mom Family, The Real Live Boy 2 Responses »
Feb 022012

I had my first direct conversation about romantic relationships with Noah today. He’ll be 6 next week.

I really did not expect this. At least not yet.

The thing is, a very lovely girl in his class, we’ll call her NamelessGirl, has had a rather obvious crush on him for  a couple of months. And he seems to have some of those kinds of feelings back, although he is a lot less willing to admit to them.

Three or 4 weeks ago, NamelessGirl totally mortified Noah, by playing “texting”  (tapping on your hand with one finger and saying something about the person) and telling Noah that she thought he was handsome. He told Jill someone had told him the most terrible, awful, horrible thing anyone had ever said to him. With her heart in her stomach, she inquired, and he reluctantly admitted this story.

He also admitted to “texting” her that she was pretty. She was apparently not offended by this. :)

On Tuesday, he came home with a note in his coat pocket. From NamelessGirl. It is a crumpled, green, construction paper snowflake, apparently originally folded into a card. On the front, in pencil, it says, “Noah I love you” The inside is decorated with crayon snowflakes.

Tonight at bedtime, Josie announced that she was not going to marry Henderson, she was never going to get married. Then she asked Noah if he was going to marry a girl when he grew up. Hot with defensiveness, he fired back, “I DON’T KNOW!” and hid under the blankets. He emerged as I commented that most of the time, boys marry girls, but they don’t have to, and some boys marry other boys, and some girls marry other girls. “Like you and This Mommy!” I told them both they couldn’t get married until they were grown-ups, and they didn’t ever have to decide to marry anyone, then I changed the subject.

A few minutes later, after tucking Josie in, I lay down next to Noah. The look in my eye made him hide under the covers, peeking out with one fascinated eye.

“You know, it is ok to have funny, liking-feelings for a special person, either a boy or a girl, and most people do get those feelings sometimes.”

Hide.

“And it’s ok not to have them.”

Peek.

“You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to, but if you ever do want to, I promise I won’t laugh or tease you about them.”

Hide.

“There’s just one thing I think it is really important for you to know. Even if you don’t have those feelings about someone, if you know they have them about you, you have to be nice to them.”

Peek.

“We know that NamelessGirl has those kinds of feelings about you, right?”

Nod.

“Well, it is ok if you don’t have those feelings for her, or if you do. And it is ok for you to tell me, or not. But you have to be nice to her, ok?”

Hide.

“Ok.”

Long pause, in which I consider the lumpy pile of blankets, hiding my son.

“Can I ask you if you have those kinds of feelings for NamelessGirl?”

He half-shouts, “NO!!!” from under the blankets.

“Ok, sweetie. Goodnight. I love you.”

Noah’s head emerges from the blankets. “I love you, too, Mom.”

Posted by Liza at 8:15 pm Tagged with: , , ,

First Day of School 2011

2 Mom Family, Personal, The Real Live Boy, The Real Live Girl 2 Responses »
Sep 012011

2011 First Day Mosaic

Today was the first day that BOTH Noah and Josie are in “Big Kid” school — or for those of you who speak Montessori, Children’s House. Josie is in 3-year-old kindergarten, and Noah is in 5-year-old kindergarten. They are in different classrooms, but in the same school and similar groups of children.

As I told Facebook:

I really thought that The First Day of School was going to be no big deal. The kids were there for summer program until 10 days ago! Josie spent afternoons in the very Big Kid classroom that is now hers. So wrong. Noah tried to hide behind me instead of greeting his teacher — the same one for the last 2 years. Josie sobbed. And when I bent down to comfort her, I split my pants.

That’s right. I split my pants on their first day of school.

And as Jill told Facebook, I was wearing orange undies. (What can I say? I like bright colors. And I didn’t expect anyone to see them!)

Mercifully, I carry a large purse, which I was able to sling over my shoulder and back, and butt, without it looking completely weird. Or at least without it looking so weird that anyone commented on it. And I was able to comfort Josie, who was fine within a few minutes after we left.

And Josie continues on her current mission to do EVERYTHING her brother does.

Posted by Liza at 7:16 pm

Whirling

The Real Live Boy, The Real Live Girl, The Rest of the Fam, Training and Development 2 Responses »
Jun 272011

Whirling: Josie has discovered a love of dresses in which she can whirl around, although I can’t say she does it with much grace. Cuteness, yes. But as much as whirling in a pretty dress sounds elegant and graceful, it is more like clutching the front of the dress and lifting it up and out while turning without looking and crashing into furniture or walls. With tremendous enthusiasm.

Whirling: The summer is whirling along at a frenetic pace. Since the end of May, I’ve been to Berkeley, California, and camping with Noah, and to New Orleans. In less than two weeks, I leave for a week for Istanbul, Turkey. In August, we had a weekend trip to Chicago planned for Jill’s birthday, and had just decided that she and Noah should do a long weekend visiting her parents in Washington, DC, when it became clear that my mom *really* wanted to take the whole family on a big trip to Disney World at the end of the summer. We’ll be celebrating my parents’ anniversary, and Josie’s birthday, and the kids will get to spend an incredibly excited 5 days with their cousins. It’s going to be a fabulous trip — thank you That Grandma & That Grandpa!  For me, that will be 7 trips in 3 months. And we suspect that Jill will probably be sent on detail for her job, in September.

Whirling: Noah wants a bug book. And a worm book. His mind is so eager and engaged — he is completely hooked on this reading business. And he is equally excited to dig in the dirt, looking for bugs and worms. Noah is maturing, emotionally, too. He announced last Thursday that he no longer wants me to walk him in to the classroom and say goodbye with our ritual of a hug, a kiss, and him giving me a push out the door. He wants a hug and a kiss, and then to go in by himself.

Whirling: Josie is growing, intellectually and developmentally. She tests and tests and tests each thing I tell her to do or not do. If I say she must stay in the bathroom while brushing her teeth, she has her feet in the doorway, inching and watching me. If I say she has to eat more of her vegetables before she can have a treat, she delicately nibbles the edge of a fresh pea pod, then announces, “I ate more! Now can I have a treat?” She gleefully spots the letter J in books, and announces that’s her letter, and loves to tell us the letters for her classmates, to count things in her counting books, and to match things together.

Whirling: The school the kids attend has outgrown the space available. It will either move late in the summer, or during the semester. Noah will have the same teacher, but in an entirely new setting. Josie will start “big kid school” (3k, 4k, and 5k together) with a new teacher, likely a teacher who is new to the school, perhaps even someone new to the profession.

Whirling: My mind, trying to sort through the possibilities for this degree, to distinguish between the many things I’m interested in and those I’m passionate about.

Whirling: Is that how all those toys got all over the floor? I can’t imagine any other answer.

Posted by Liza at 8:44 pm

So Far Behind

2 Mom Family, Books, Current Affairs, The Real Live Boy, The Real Live Girl 1 Response »
Mar 072011

You know how sometimes so much can happen that you want to blog about that you find yourself unable to blog at all?

The last month has been even more like that than the past year.

So, bullet points:

  • There have been giant, massive, peaceful, friendly, loud, frustrated protests in Madison every day for approximately the last 3 weeks. They’ve been in support of the right of unions to engage in collective bargaining. There have been smaller, but still surprisingly large protests at UWM and around the state, too. I went to Madison three times, and to a march around UWM. Grandpa took Noah to Madison one day. I wish I could go more, but this whole PhD thing is also a huge demand on my time. :)
  • I am so proud of the 14 Democratic state senators who have left the state to prevent the state senate from reaching quorum and passing this disaster budget.
  • Last Saturday, Noah was exactly twice as old as Josie. Yes, I am a geek for figuring that out to the day.
  • We had THREE date nights last month. One was school-sponsored, we hired a babysitter for our anniversary, and Grandma & Grandpa took the kids overnight. That is approximately half the date nights we have had since Josie was born.
  • This weekend we took the kids to a waterpark. They were super-well-behaved, and we had a blast. I’m so glad they are old enough to do stuff like this.
  • We loved hanging out with a combination of new and old friends at the waterpark. Especially since they had kids in the same age range as ours. (Ok, baby Violet is a pretty little baby. But Josie likes babies, so we’re counting that.)
  • I submitted a paper for an academic conference and was rejected. Maybe next time.
  • I did a fun little project for a class, gathering information about books about or including characters with two-mom families: http://lesbianfamily.org/books-for-lesbian-families/
Posted by Liza at 6:48 am

Noah is 4 years and 11 months old

The Real Live Boy 2 Responses »
Jan 122011

Dear Noah,

On Monday, you were 4 years and 11 months old. We are in the last month of you being 4. This Mommy and I can hardly believe it.

You bounce back and forth between being a helpful, sweet, and independent, and being whiny, obnoxious, and insisting that you can’t do it. Although you continue to mostly be “helpful Noah” for other people, this month you’ve been pretty rough with your teachers, too.

We’ve started a new ritual for school day mornings. We ask, usually a couple of times, but always at least once:

  • How are you going to be today?
  • Who are you going to listen to?
  • Who ELSE are you going to listen to?
  • Who are you NOT going to listen to?

You usually answer that you are going to be good, listen to your primary teacher, her assistants, and the other school staff, and not listen to some of the other high-energy, sometimes disruptive, children in your class.

And on the days when you DO that, you and your teachers have a great day. Other days, not so much.You really like to make people laugh, which is great sometimes, but a problem when you do it and it distracts your classmates from learning.

On Monday, you used the movable alphabet to write a Star Wars story. It was amazing to see! After you lay out the story on a rug, one of the teachers copies it onto a piece of paper, in pencil, and then you trace their letters with a marker or pen. Then you illustrate it.

You’ve also started noticing and reading short word, for example on signs.

For Christmas, you got a lot of Lego Star Wars toys, and you are amazing at building them! Sometimes you follow the meticulous instructions. Other times, you develop your own elaborate designs for space ships, robots, and other cool details.

It is a lot of fun for us to watch you learn.

I love you,

That Mommy

Posted by Liza at 6:09 am

Last Day of Winter Break

2 Mom Family, The Real Live Boy, The Real Live Girl, The Rest of the Fam No Responses »
Jan 022011

The kids go back to school tomorrow.

Thank God.

We’ve had a lot of fun this break, but I am exhausted. And we are all getting on each other’s nerves.

Fun things: Christmas Eve & Christmas, baking cookies together, trips to 3 different indoor playgrounds (2 bouncy castle places + 1 play structure/riding toy place), Noah’s first Men’s Basketball game, Josie had a trip to the Children’s Museum, 3 play dates with friends, Josie’s 1st “real” haircut/adventure with Grandma. (Don’t worry, it was just a trim. Roughly half an inch from the back and 3/4 of an inch from the bangs.)

Approximately 5000 lego bricks were employed in various construction projects. Dozens of lego people, mostly related to the Star Wars universe, are in various stages of decapitation and amputation around the house.

Looking at that list, no wonder we’re all so tired!

Noah has also logged a lot of time on the Wii. Josie has logged a lot of hours watching and asking for a turn. (She gets turns. She loses interest within 30 seconds. She also gets made because she isn’t coordinated enough to play well, and is in the ferociously independent stage of being two.)

Both kids have watched every available episode of our new favorite show, Dino Dan, approximately 20 times on DVR. (Hey Nick Jr! I see on your web site that there are 25 episodes. Please could you quit airing the same 5 or 6 and run some of the others? I am losing it here!)

Our endless repetition problem aside, the show is fabulous: Extremely educational, both about dinosaurs and scientific method, plus fantastic CGI animated dinosaurs. Also, the mom is a cop and appears to be a single mom — two interesting and not tv-predictable family elements.

Adults watched Karate Kid (Noah & Josie wandered in and out, both occasionally declaring it “too scary.”), Invictus (excellent), Date Night (better than expected), and Avatar (Jill wandered off to play Wii for 80% of the movie; I enjoyed the visuals and found The Message annoyingly heavy-handed).

In the “less fun” category, we also spent a lot of time giving time outs, saying, “do you have a non-whining request?” and telling children to say “excuse me” or “I’m sorry” or to stop doing some dangerous or highly irritating activity.

And our house is trashed. Toys are everywhere.

Posted by Liza at 6:58 am

Cooking with Kids

2 Mom Family, The Real Live Boy, The Real Live Girl 3 Responses »
Dec 242010

My childhood is full of wonderful memories of cooking with my mom. My parents liked entertaining, and I think they must have had dinner parties at least once/month. Maybe more often that that.

Saturday afternoons were largely spent cooking wonderful feasts for these parties. Mom also went through a bread-baking phase, and was generously willing to make cookies with us pretty often.

Separate from the dinner parties, Sunday afternoons were generally for making soup. Most frequently beef barley soup, but occasionally something else.

This is the first year that Noah and Josie are both old enough to “help.” And they do, with tremendous enthusiasm. Usually. Noah likes it if he’s in the right mood, and if I can come up with a sufficiently cool task for him. He loved making these:

It helped that every step except the part involving the oven was one he could do. And so could Josie, it turned out!

Josie is in a phase where almost ALL she wants to do, if she isn’t overtired, is help me. (We have to be strategic about loading and unloading the dishwasher because if she sees the open door, she is all about helping. So far, nothing has broken and no one has sliced open a hand, but luck has played a role in those facts.)

Anyway, I just love how enthusiastic they are about helping with cooking.

When do you think they can take over making dinner?

And what are some good non-cookie/savory things we can make together?

Posted by Liza at 7:42 am
Older Entries
© 2012 LizaWasHere Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha